You do deserve good things, I just want to be one of them


So, scientifically speaking, gay parents are an advantage to their children

"Women can fake orgasms, but men can fake love."
- Something actually really profound that Bo Burnham said in “What”, his stand-up comedy routine

I always feel bad when someone asks me out but I say “no”, because seriously, your standards really can’t get any lower than me

Do you know that feeling when you watch a post of yours gain a lot notes?? Me neither, but it sounds fantastic

"*My sister and I laying in bed, she’s just rambling*
Her: I like listening to people scratch themselves because you can usually find out where they’re scratching.
Her: Do turtles have hands, or just feet? Do they even have feet?
Her: Sometimes I wanna be a guy, but like, a gay guy.
Her: Sometimes I just think about how weird teeth are.
Her: Actually humans are pretty weird in general. I wish we had more fur.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: what the fuck are you talking about??"

Boyfriend story, his name is Christian, and when he was young he gave himself the nickname “Christ”.

Instead of say “Goddammit” my little sister says “Satan bless it”. This was all fine, until she said it after she tripped getting out of a pew at church.

People say that English is one of the hardest languages to learn, yet most people on this website know it. Congratulations guys, I’m proud of you.

"The gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."
- Homer, The Iliad